Tonight as I wait for my sweet husband to return home from work, I am troubled. I am troubled because yesterday I sat in a conference room filled with moms like me. And we listened to a man like my husband (because he is married to a mom like me) talk to us moms about lies we believe.
I am wondering why we listen to these lies?
First, I will back up. Those moms – like me – were mostly homeschool moms, but that is not why they are like me. They are like me because honestly I do not know a mom “not like me” in the sense that they just don’t care. I mean really, are we not all struggling to make the best choices for our family? For our kids, for our dinner table, for our home, for everything?
Who do you know that wakes and says, “You know what? Heck with those kids I birthed (or received as a gift from God…) I really do not want to deal with them, so I am going to just do what works for me and me alone today!” I do not know a soul. I know many moms who wake so overwhelmed by the life they are living that they cannot see clearly how to navigate the waters of their day, but none that so honestly quit.
So this Dad who was speaking, he is great! Todd Wilson of Family Man ministries. He said that after taking an informal poll among many moms (even some of those with a true dozen kids) and asked them if they were doing a good job of homeschooling.
Now, stay with me, I am about to get to the troubling part. Now these moms he polled, they have chosen to be intentional about their lives. Many have made hard choices and big sacrifices to do what they are doing (not all, but some). Some are very highly educated. And yet he did not have one mom report that she felt she was doing a good job.
I mean, really? Who is telling these ladies that they have to do more than really sit and read and love their kids? Why do we feel so driven? Why do we (not just homeschool moms but all moms) feel like we are failing? Is it the media reports that our kids are so screwed up? Is it MTV and VH1 that are telling us these lies?
And for goodness sake, have we not read Genesis? I mean, the first lie was told to Eve there in the garden, and you know what? She did was we are doing – she believed it. And needless to say. the consequences for her choice of believing the lie were catastrophic to say the least!
I think I am troubled because if we do not feel like we are doing a good job, ultimately we are going to conclude we should stop or that it is not worth it. Maybe that is part of what is happening in our society right now, so many parents have thrown up their hands as if to say why bother? Could that be?
I am just sad. I am sad that we think so little of ourselves as women to think what we are doing is not good enough. I mean no matter what choices you are making as a mom (homeschool vs public vs private, work at home vs go to work vs stay at home) if we are choosing to be intentional, choosing to be involved with our kids, if we are choosing to love them and teach them Godly character traits, then why is that not enough? Our kids do not need to be the smartest, not the best, not the prettiest, just a child raised to love God and to do their best and ultimately to follow the path He leads them down.
Todd talked about the fact that our kids are going to be what God designed them for (often) despite us. That you can raise a chemist without teaching chemistry. We just need to make sure to point our kids in the direction we see them being called into and trust that God will do the rest. **
What is the answer to my troubling issue? What if it is not just homeschool moms who do not think they are doing a good job? What if it is any woman who allows another to make her feel unworthy? The root problem is that we are listening to others or ourselves – it depends sometimes. But we are not 1) talking truth to ourselves not 2) listening to the only speaker of truth – God. We allow others to speak lies into our heart, or we look at others and make evaluations based on what we see and not necessarily truth either.
So Todd told us we need to have a friend or partner in our journey who we can be real with, and we can allow them to be real with us – someone to encourage us, to build us up and remind us of HIS truth. I am so incredibly blessed to have more than one partners in the journey – and I love those ladies more than I can express. They have walked with me on some dark days and it has gotten me through some tough times. God is good, we need to let Him and his people fills us up – and not this world!
**Did you know the man who mapped the human DNA – he was homeschooled. Do you know what they did for school? Read and acted out plays – that was basically it (his parents were hippies so to speak). And look where he ended up – I am telling you, this happens in spite of US!!